Ron Lieber wrote a great article for his Your Money article in the New York Times on 5/10/14 titled Four Stand-Out College Essays about Money. http://ow.ly/wHHze. Four high school seniors are featured, and their essays are thought-provoking. What resonated most with me was the caption for a photo of Andy Duehren and his father, David. The caption reads: “It’s about us, the imperfect son with the imperfect father”. The essay that Andy wrote with his college application included details about his father losing his job, the depression that followed, and the uncaring way he reacted to his father’s behavior. The essay is poignant, conveying that real life can be painful and unpleasant.
My oldest daughter is graduating from college this coming week. I haven’t pondered how I feel about this too much. I’m far too busy on the rat-race treadmill to allow family issues and emotions to get much attention. Yet, I wonder if it will be emotional for me. I am very proud of her. I am grateful that my kids are healthy, and very aware that my family is blessed in many ways. Yet, the years while my two daughters were teenagers were painful for me. Being consumed by work was an escape from the pain. I spent six years researching and writing the book The Joy of Financial Security, which was published in November of 2013. The book is about the relationship between money and happiness, and it provides practical strategies for becoming financially secure and happier at the same time. It is receiving rave reviews, and I am very excited.
I shared in the book some personal stories, and I revealed that my parents were both alcoholics. Many families are impacted by alcoholism, so this doesn’t make me special. However, it resulted in an unusual childhood, leading to some positive and negative traits. For example, I am a workaholic, and I continue to battle with trying to find some form of balance between my family life and my work life. Being a workaholic has helped me be successful as an entrepreneur and as a financial planner. However, I never learned to play as a child, so I am trying to do more of that in my 50s. I was never allowed to talk back to my parents or display any disrespect as a child or a teenager. Therefore, when my daughters became disrespectful as teenagers (they clearly thought I was the most stupid person on the planet), I didn’t know how to fight back.
Fortunately, the relationship is improving as my daughters get older. One is graduating from college and one will be a junior in college next year. My current goals do not include taking my financial planning firm to the next level. I’ve accomplished all of my work-related goals. My current goals do not include writing another book, although I am enjoying promoting the book on TV and radio. My current goals are focused on enjoying my family, developing a healthy relationship with my daughters, and on learning to have fun. I think finally, I am finding the right perspective. And yes, I suspect my daughter’s graduation will be emotional.
Photo Credit Gretchen Ertl for The New York Times